Last year, I introduced the importance of enjoying daily micro-pleasures-the little pleasures that we experience on a daily basis to help us stay positive. Then I began a blog on my CandiceChristiansen.Com website and hyperfocused most of my attention to that blog (and growing Namaste).
But I want to circle back to this important topic of noticing and celebrating micro-pleasures and micro-wins. The Fall in Utah is gorgeous! I notice so many micro-pleasures in my life. For example: Cacao by Navitas which is like hot cocoa only healthier, still delicious and so good for you! More examples: at night I have celebrated the micro pleasure of snuggling in my cozy bed with my soft sheets and warm blankets. While driving I say outloud how beautiful the changing trees are, the sky, the mountains, even the humans all around me in other cars. I physically notice a shift of feeling pleasure in my body by doing this!
Similar to micro-pleasures, it’s important to celebrate the micro(small)-wins in our relationships. By relationships I mean all our relationship, not just our intimate ones-with people, with the earth, with our pets. And our relationship with our friends, family, children, siblings, colleagues, co-workers, boss.
You may be thinking: Why is it important to celebrate the micro-wins in our relationships? For one, we don’t do this enough. As I have shared before, we are a culture that is obsessed with Macro everything- “Go big or go home!” This entails our likes, wants, desires, things. You name it—it’s always got to be big, grandiose. What happens when we only focus on things that are big in our life is we miss all the little wins throughout our day. We also develop expectations that are insurmountable and when our expectations are way to high that even we can’t attain them, no one can, particularly our loved ones. We end up focusing on what our loved ones aren’t doing, the lack in our lives, which ends up making us miserable.
Some examples of micro-wins in a relationship include: Talking to a sibling who you haven’t talked to in awhile, going to lunch with your older parent who you haven’t seen since Covid, making up after a fight with your spouse, your teen coming to you to share about a stressful situation with a friend, enjoying quiet time together as a couple after the kids are put to bed, receiving a compliment from a client or customer, or your colleague or boss. When we focus on the micro-wins in our relationship, the things that make us feel appreciative, thankful, grateful, we start to feel lighter, better, a sense of ease and joy.
More importantly, it strengthens our attachment to our loved ones. This not only creates a feeling of love but in some cases a sense of safety so that if we run into conflict with our loved one, we have built up nuggets of appreciation that protect us from feeling rejected, having a relationship set back, or getting caught in what the Gottman’s call The Four Horsemen.
Try celebrating the Micro-Wins in all your relationship and see how it makes you feel. I know it has helped my mood and my interactions tremendously!
–Candice