As the world gets used to living with our faces covered by masks to prevent the spread of COVID-19, we also feel distant and separate from one another in more ways than one. We hear people describe feeling depressed, anxious, isolated and alone now more than ever. Many don’t see an end in sight. For those people who are in intimate relationships, the pressure stay connected with their loved one let alone deal with all the other added pressure (potential for unemployment, financial stress, mental health issues, physical illness, homelessness, children having different school schedules) can feel completely overwhelming.
But what if you are single during the upcoming holidays and Pandemic where going places wearing a mask doesn’t really lend itself to meeting new people? Better yet, what if you have severe anxiety or other mental health issues, are autistic, have ADHD, or have a history of being in toxic relationships? How are you supposed to date in a semi-constructive and “healthy” fashion?
Here are some helpful tips to consider when online dating:
Use good judgment: The online dating scene is a jungle! We have heard horror stories from friends, clients, colleagues, and acquaintances of online dating, including being ghosted (someone completely disappears after one or more encounters with zero explanation), stalked, harrassed, and solicited for sex or sexual pictures after the first or second encounter. If you get online to date whether you are on social media trying to find someone, or a dating site, use good judgment!
Beware of sexual predators: Be mindful of how much information you post on social media and on a dating site. Sexual predators are looking for lonely, insecure individuals who don’t have a lot of support. Predators are likely to be someone who is agreeable, charming, likes everything you post or say, and subtly puts pressure on you to be sexual fast. They can be very manipulative without even knowing it.
Be aware of what you share: Be cautious to share too personal of information including personal or intimate pictures. Once you send a pic, or post anything, you cannot get rid of it-remember that! Let people get to know you before you share everything about yourself. You don’t know who you are really talking to online so it’s important to save some of who you are for when you meet the person in real life-if it comes to that. Never share you address (home or work), or phone number until you get to know the other person (and online chatting does not mean you know a person!). Best to talk to them on the phone, to go slow (avoid talking about anything too intimate for at least the first month and depending on your religious affiliation it may be longer) and look into them a bit more including asking to see their Linkedin profile and perhaps sharing yours.
Have friends/family check out the person: There is nothing wrong with having friends or trusted family members share their thoughts and opinions about someone you meet online. Ask them to look at their profile and give you constructive feedback including any concerns they have with things they or you have shared. Note: this is not a shaming, criticizing opportunity for your friends or family members, but rather a way for you to get honest feedback about a person to make sure they check out (are legitimate, do not seem like predators).
Report concerns: If you meet someone online and they become inappropriate via asking for sexual pictures too fast or wanting to know your personal information and you feel unsafe and/or uncomfortable, you can block them online and if you are on an online dating site, report them.
Meet in a group, in a public place, & during the day: These days you never know who is online. So unless someone has recommended you meet up with someone to date, it’s best you meet in a group with your friends (preferably) for starters, in a public place, and go somewhere during the day. These are safe alternatives to ensure that you are physically and emotionally safe and if you are in a group with your friends, they can tell you what they think of the person (unless they are the ones who set you up).
Enjoy the time: Life has gotten way too stressful so if you have met up with someone and you enjoy their company, allow yourself to have fun by going on future dates.