Scared people hide; they avoid, run, and leave when the going gets tough. Angry people argue, mostly with themselves secretly when the rest of the world is sleeping. But their venom seeps out into the world via words, in writing, and with body language. Shameful people hide behind fear and anger, outwardly blaming everyone else for their problems, while inwardly believing that they are worthless and unloveable. The reality is that we are all transparent.
The masks we wear are illusory because people can see what is really going on underneath including our deceptions, secrets, and lifelong betrayals. Yet, we often like to think that we are "covering up" what is really going on.
In the 15 years that I have been working with people in various clinical capacities, I have become finely attuned to non-verbal and verbal cues related to what is really going on with someone. Often, especially early on in intimacy disorder treatment (the first 1-15 months), what is said vs. what is unsaid (the truth behind the words) is highly contradictory.
Passive aggressive language and tone seeps into conversations as well as teenage responses to typical discussions. If someone who can't show up for themselves is called out for their destructive language and behavior, they will argue, lie, blame others, and throw people under the destructive bus they are driving.
Avoiding, running, arguing, fighting, and/or getting defensive, is another way that your "addict/avoidant/critical parent" self keeps the real you at bay.
This part of you "thinks" it is protecting you, similar to when it showed up for you as a teen to help you escape the pain of your world back then. However, at this stage in your life, it is a liability.
Showing up for ourselves is half the battle.
What would it look like to emotionally and physically arise to your own occasion, for YOU?
How might you feel if you took one day and lived YOUR LIFE the way you deserve to live it ~Being someone in FULL Recovery, with integrity, honesty, fidelity; being trusting, loving, a true definition of a MAN or a WOMAN, the best you can be, etc.?
Ask yourself why you have not been 100% showing up for yourself. Is it FEAR? What are you afraid of? If you have an addiction, know that your "vice" is just a symptom of a deeper unresolved issue, typically from trauma from childhood (note: trauma is relative to the person's experience).
Ask yourself: "What will it take to SHOW UP and to KEEP COMING BACK to who I truly am?"
It takes Courage.
How do you get courage? You practice showing up for yourself even when you don't want to. You sit in your discomfort, asking yourself why you feel how you feel. You ask people you trust for support when you are feeling scared, defended, and vulnerable. You let yourself trust the process even if you have no control over the reigns. You get honest with yourself and others, AT ALL COSTS.
You ask for help.
We all need help sometimes. Today, show up for yourself. Make that hard phone call, or have that difficult conversation you have wanted to have but have been too scared to follow through with. Attend a group or meeting you have desperately needed but have been terrified to go to. Go to that appointment that you have been avoiding due to a lack of wanting to be accountable.
YOU CAN DO IT! It takes literally ONE step at a time, but you can and will get there!
In case you forgot, YOU ARE WORTH IT!
Namasté,
Candice
**NOTE: Want to learn how to have a Positive Sexual Focus, How to stay in a Recovery Cycle, How to fine tune your boundaries and set lasting recovery goals? Join Candice Oct 25th for the Recovery Start Kit-90 Day Prep Workshop and take your recovery to the next level! Email Candice at namasteadvice@gmail.com for details!