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Recovery
The word Passion has been defined as "a strong sexual or romantic feeling for someone" (merriam-webster.com). We are taught to believe that this is the only way that passion can be felt in a relationship; either sexually or via some sort of romantic endeavor. The term passion often gets exaggerated in the movies and media as a constant and somewhat illusive sensual pursuit between a man and woman; all the while not taking into account other relationships, i.e., LGBTQ.
In Wired for Love (2011), Stan Tatkin, PsyD, discusses the following equation as a clear identifier of obstacles and challenges in relationships(ch. 7, p.119-137): 2 +1 = ZERO . This equation is related to a third party that an individual brings into the relationship, whether it is an outside person, place, task, situation, addiction, or thing. This third party, what I call "the third wheel", typically causes havoc in relationships, and in some cases, can destroy it.
We know the following about sex addiction: It is an intimacy disorder, a dissociative disorder, a brain disease, and surprisingly (or not so much) it is not actually about sex. We also know that it is an attachment disorder that begins in childhood.
I recently read an article titled, “Why Kids Sext” in the November 2014 issue of The Atlantic Magazine (Volume 314, No. 4, pp.64-77). The title of the article made the front cover of this particular issue, which immediately caught my eye. As a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist-Supervisor, I have been taken aback by how prevalent sexting, or what some law enforcement agencies have termed self-produced child porn, has become among pre-teens and teens. Even more concerning are the challenges with how to deal with this type of issue in the criminal justice system. According to the article, two-thirds of the cases in the small town in Virginia in which the article was based involved an adult, were taken without the permission of the youth in the picture, involved some form of sexual abuse or blackmail, and therefore were criminally pursued. However, one-third of the cases were based on sexual experimentation of youth (p. 69).
This is a continuation of a blog series written by an anonymous male sex addict in recovery. It was per his request that his blog be shared. In a class taught by one of Candice’s Clinical Associates, the phrase “gas-lighting” was used. I immediately knew what that meant. I am kind of a movie buff. I love a wide range of movie genre’s and from various time periods. In 1944 a move came out called “Gaslight”. It is an excellent movie and it’s where this phrase comes from.
