Crystal was fairly new to recovery from sex and love addiction when she experienced a death of a loved one. Shocked, hurt, and feeling rejected, Crystal immediately went into cycle. She became pre-occupied (this is first part of the relapse cycle) with destructive thoughts that included blaming those close to her (her boyfriend, and family), feeling like she was not good enough as well as undeserving of having any further recovery. She projected her hurt onto others and found herself longing for the attention from men (not her boyfriend) in an attempt to escape her pain and soothe her discomfort.
Everyone experiences triggers, or what my mentor and expert in EMDR (trauma therapy), Katie O'Shea calls "emotional activators".
For individuals in our Sexual Recovery Oupatient Program, one of the primary things that we teach and review often is how to identify one's triggers.
My colleague Jenny Jo and I recently went to our Level I training with Psychologists John and Julie Gottman, the leading Couples Therapy Experts in the United States What we learned about couples therapy was fascinating. The Gottman's have spent 40 years researching what makes marriages work; including what therapies are completely useless for couples, which, by the way, they would say are most therapies because, as their research has shown, they don't get to the real issue.
The movie "Silver Linings Playbook" with Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence left the movie-goer with a profound sense that there indeed are silver linings in life, regardless of how harsh one's circumstances. It is about looking for them. The multi-layered story-line explores the silver lining that comes out of Brad's characters' mental illness, his love addiction, as well as his wife's infidelity. Similarly, Jennifer's character finds the silver lining in her grief and loss, and both people find their silver lining by accepting new love, healing family dysfunction, and realizing the importance of having hope, forgiveness, and unconditional love.
The word Passion has been defined as "a strong sexual or romantic feeling for someone" (merriam-webster.com). We are taught to believe that this is the only way that passion can be felt in a relationship; either sexually or via some sort of romantic endeavor. The term passion often gets exaggerated in the movies and media as a constant and somewhat illusive sensual pursuit between a man and woman; all the while not taking into account other relationships, i.e., LGBTQ.
