Being in a relationship is the hardest yet most rewarding job anyone could ever have. The reason for this is simple: We actually care about our loved one. We value their opinion, we care about what they think, and we want to be loved and respected (a basic human need). However, no one is officially taught how to be in a healthy relationship; and healthy is relative to each person. We learn about relationships by watching the two most important people in our lives; our parents or primary caregivers. How they treat each other, talk to each other, and engage with one another is what we learn to be "normal."
According to the Diagnostic Statistical Manual-5 (DSM-V), criteria for narcissism includes: A pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts as indicated by five or more of the following:1) A grandiose sense of self-importance (exaggerates achievements and talents) 2) Preoccupied with fantasies of power, success, brilliance, ideal love 3) Believes he/she is special; can only associate with other special people 4) Requires excessive admiration (or in some cases can get abusive) 5) Has a sense of entitlement 6) Exploits relationship; takes advantage of others for own benefit 7) Lacks empathy
"All anxiety, all dissatisfaction, all the reasons for hoping that our experience could be different are rooted in our fear of death. Fear of death is always in the background."-Pema Chodron, When Things Fall Apart, 1997 Each day, we experience a death of sorts, whether it be in the form of things not working out the way we want, or feeling frustrated or disappointed at someone or something. We also experience it as parts of ourselves or parts of our realities that die.
I have parts. We all do. I have a part that is a scared little girl, about 5 years old, as well as a part that is a controlling nag. I have a part who is typing this blog (she is a perfectionist at times). Please do not assume that because I have parts, I have Dissociative Identify Disorder because I don't. I simply have parts like the rest of humanity. Sound crazy? Maybe at first; however, once you start to understand the parts of you that live inside and have feelings, reactions, responses, and thoughts, your world truly opens up. Things change; we start to heal.
HAPPY NEW YEAR! As recovery from the holidays (and New Year's Eve) begins, it is common for people to make New Year's Resolutions. Often people set goals related to recovery from unhealthy behaviors including substance addiction, porn/sex addiction, food/sugar addiction, workaholism, an addiction to chaos and stress, debting/spending, or all of the above. But, sadly a lot of people don't change. Instead, they stuff their deep-seated (and often maladaptive) thoughts and feelings related to their intimate relationship, work, finances, etc and focus on life outside of their own.
