Written by Male Sex Addict. Shared at his request. I've read many blogs on sex addiction recovery. Many from religious points of view particularly the LDS point of view which is what I’m most familiar with having lived my life as an active Mormon. While I do not want to minimize those blogs I’ve always felt I did not quite relate to any of those. In comparison the actual sex addicts I’ve met and become friends with on my recovery journey are real and much easier to relate with. I know most of that is because of the vulnerable and honest exchanges we’ve had over time.
This past weekend, I had the honor and privilege of being in a room with 6 men and women who had the courage to take their recovery from trauma, addiction, and shame to the next level by attending my bi-annual Mastering the Trauma Wound Workshop.
Six individuals that may not have known exactly what they were getting into, but nonetheless all extremely courageous and willing to go deep into the core of their wounds to guarantee they will have a better future.
I recently decided I wanted to fly a kite at a park near my house. The last time I flew a kite, I was 8 years old. My father was in town after one of his military trips and took my siblings and I to a school near our house. We each got to fly our very own kites.
Individuals with sexual addiction engage in sexual acting out behaviors that often go against their value system. Most wish they could have a healthy relationship; however, due to many having a significant history of trauma (neglect, sexual, physical, verbal and emotional abuse), they often have a tremendous amount of shame, fear of being vulnerable, and an inability to self-regulate difficult emotions. As a result, they are unable to be vulnerable, honest, and share intimacy with their spouse. Sex becomes a way to alleviate emotional pain and feel validated, even if short-lived and superficial.
Entering treatment for sexual compulsivity takes a lot of courage, especially in a culture where sex is seen as taboo on the one hand, but promoted and sold everywhere on the other. When men and women first enter outpatient therapy, they often continue to engage in sexually acting out via looking at porn, sexting strangers, engaging in various hook up apps, going to "massage" parlors, stripping, escorting; or engaging in the more hard core addict-offender behavior or exhibitionism or voyeurism.
