Have you ever been lost? Lost in thought, lost while driving, lost in terms of goals and direction in life? Or just plain lost in general? Do you recall what that felt like?
Was it a good feeling or was it uncomfortable? Did it cause you to want to control your outcome, or surrender to the unknown?
This is a continuation of a blog series written by an anonymous male sex addict in recovery. It was per his request that his blog be shared. In a class taught by one of Candice’s Clinical Associates, the phrase “gas-lighting” was used. I immediately knew what that meant. I am kind of a movie buff. I love a wide range of movie genre’s and from various time periods. In 1944 a move came out called “Gaslight”. It is an excellent movie and it’s where this phrase comes from.
Addicts lie. They cheat. They steal...time, money, energy, love, and trust. They deceive and betray. They hurt to the point where you can't fathom why you love them. But you do. You keep going back. Or you stay and put up with their crazy games. "Why do you put up with it?" People ask you. You try to explain your answers, justify your reasoning, rationalize half-truths. All for the sake of keeping what you thought was real alive.
Written by a male sex addict in recovery. When I decided to start writing, to blog about my recovery, I had no idea how difficult it would be. I have struggled mainly with deciding what to share next. I am in such a different place than I was when I began this journey and so I want to share all the knowledge I now have. If I remember why I wanted to write though, I remember that I wanted to give a different perspective on what recovery from this addiction is. These first two posts focus mainly on a two week span of events. I did not plan that at first. As I wrote and rewrote them I thought about how difficult they were for me and probably for any addict starting recovery. So without it being the plan but feeling confident that the experience is beneficial to hear I stuck with those two weeks for these two posts.
Sometimes you may find yourself feeling crazy, perverse, confused and literally besides yourself with the illusions you are surrounded with, including the life you are living.
This craziness is either your addiction, the consequences of your addiction, or you reeling from your spouse's addiction.
