With the holidays approaching, I have been thinking about Alice in Wonderland and the idea of falling down the rabbit hole. It seems that there are more opportunities for folks to fall down during this time. T'is the season, eh? According to Google, the definition of rabbit hole is: "...a bizarre, confusing, or nonsensical situation or environment, typically one from which it is difficult to extricate oneself."
Have you ever considered that your intimate relationship has "DNA"? More specifically, that you have a relationship "attachment style" that may be similar to your personal attachment style developed from both childhood and adult life experiences? Take a moment to consider this: are you securely attached in your relationship, anxiously attached, or avoidant in your attachment to your partner? Maybe you are not familiar with the difference between the three.
Last Thursday, I put my sweet dog to rest. He had survived for over a year with a massive inoperable tumor on his head, and was in obvious discomfort. When it ruptured, intellectually I knew it was time.
Does your loved one's destructive behavior and continual lies make you feel like you are going crazy? Do you ask yourself daily, or multiple times daily, "Why on earth do I tolerate this person with this addiction?!"Do you feel confused when you experience moments with the addict where you feel joy and see glimmers of hope that things will get better? Sounds like you are in love with an addict.
In his famous book Waking the Tiger (1997), Peter A. Levine explains trauma as becoming so commonplace that most people don't even recognize it when it happens. This makes sense, especially since we see traumatic events and occurrences multiple times daily on t.v., in social media (FB, Twitter, etc). These include articles, images, discussions of shootings, violence, killing, abuse, betrayal, etc. Whether or not it is our own personal experience, we are exposed to trauma everywhere we turn.